Scene: A cheap and tawdry looking sex dungeon, littered amongst the DEVICES, are a large number of cleaning implements, including very prominently a extra large can of Mr. Sheen. A woman in a tatty cat-suit enters followed by a well groomed man in a suit. He wears a tie which is tied with a ridiculously wide knot. They walk to a table in the middle of the set from which dangles manacles, next to this table is a full length mirror.
Man: It’s my first time you know…
Woman (she has a strong Mummerset accent): Really my lover?
Man: Well it’s my first time here. I used to go to Madame Spanks down in Mayfair .
Woman: Oh Aye.
Man: They’ve changed hands, and it’s not the same.
Woman: Is that since she broke her arm? She done that flagellating a Scout Master.
Man: No. It’s got a new owner. The Spanks lost some of its spunk, if you get my drift.
Woman: Oh Aye. Well then my lover, seeing as you’re here let’s see if Mistress Stamp can sort you right out?
Man: (Mouths to the audience) Mistress Stamp?
Woman: Coz at the end of this session I’ll have you licked.
Man: (excitedly) Oooh!
Woman: (Staring at the man with a contemptuous look, she places her hands on her hips and with thinly concealed ennui). Well your Mistress is waiting, get and undressed and jump on the table. Don’t for get it’s 200 quid an hour.
Man: (Undressing in front of the mirror. Smugly;) Don’t worry I can afford it. (Throughout the next speech he gazes at himself in the mirror adoringly, occasionally kissing his muscles). If you don’t mind me asking, how did you get into this game?
Woman: It’s the old recession that done for me. Well I used to work in the civil service. I had a nice little savings account in Northern Rock, and quite a bit squirreled away in shares and that. Then Northern Rock crashes. The companies I had me shares in goes bankrupt, I gets made redundant, my house got repossessed so I ends up here. I also do a bit of cleaning. Sometimes I lie awake at night just gently hugging myself. I feel so dirty.
The Man clad in only a pair of posh Boxer shorts, he jumps onto the table. The woman grabs the Mr. Sheen away quickly, and starts to Manacle him down.
Man; Oh I managed to avoid all that. I’m a banker. Got quite a good bonus this year too! It’s why I can easily afford two hours of this light kinkiness. (He grins idiotically)
Woman: (grinning maliciously) Now my lover, let me tell you the rules, if the punishment gets too much, all you have to do say is the safe word.
The woman turns her back to get something from the table.
Man: What’s the safe word for tonight then?
Woman: (she is holding something behind her back) Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch
Man: Eh!
In a flash the woman has gagged the man. She picks up the can of Mr. Sheen and sprays a bit. She has a manic looking on her face. We know where that can is going!
Man: (Struggling and trying to say) Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch
Fade.
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